Why this Book:  The publisher asked me whether, if they sent me an advance copy of this book, I would read it and review it.  I said yes.  They sent it. I read it.   I liked it, and this is the review.

Summary in 3 sentences:  The author advises the reader at the beginning of the book that this book is about resilience – and indeed the first ¾ of the book is about dealing with disappointment, failure, mistakes, and bouncing back.   The practical advice is based on the author’s own  experience as well as his research and reading of many others, and we learn much about the author’s own life as he shares his failures and disappointments and the tools he used to turn those into fuel for his future success.   The last quarter of the book is sage advice about a different kind of resilience – how to deal with success, which can often bring its own challenges, distractions and and opportunities to get off-track and unhappy.

My impressions: I liked this book considerably more than I thought I would.  It is a nice mixture of autobiography and practical wisdom borne of the author’s own hard earned lessons learned, but also based on extensive reading and research into the teaching of others on resilience and happiness.   I realized that part of why I liked the book is I that I like the author as he presents himself in the book – I like his tone, his playfulness, his vulnerability, his self-deprecating humor, and I like his advice.

It’s a short and easy-to-read book.  It is not meant to be “heavy” or laced with psychological jargon.  It is meant to appeal to the everyman in each of us, and does not pretend to offer anything groundbreaking to academic literature on happiness or resilience.    He doesn’t impart any great new wisdom or insights – I’ve heard it all before, from other speakers or authors, or in other books.  It’s common sense practical wisdom repackaged in a very readable and user-friendly book.  And it was good for me to read again.  It reminds me that it’s always good to revisit the basics – in any endeavor, especially in life – and he offers some good practical wisdom for negotiating the challenges of living in our complex society.  His very conversational and unpretentious approach makes his insights accessible and inspiring.

The book is divided into 9 chapters or “secrets” with (sometimes enigmatic) titles like  “Add a Dot-Dot-Dot…” or “Tell Yourself a Different Story” or “Lose More to Win More” or “Find Small Ponds” or “Go Untouchable.”  Each of these chapters includes several short sub-chapters.  It’s enjoyable to read, easy to follow.

I particularly liked how he brought in the stories of his parents – immigrants from India to Canada- and how in their struggles first in India and then later integrating into Canadian culture, they embodied many of the principles he espouses.  He shares how his parents continue to inspire him – his mother first, then his father. Pretty amazing stories of resilience, perseverance, and success.

I feel like I’m pretty good at dealing with disappointments and “failing forward” though I must admit, I’ve never had that assumption truly stress-tested with a monumental failure – largely due to luck, partly due to being fairly practical and resilient by nature.  That said, while I was engaged in reading the book, I became frustrated with a situation at work and retreated into self-doubt and feeling persecuted, unappreciated, and under attack from malevolent forces massing against me.   I had just read how Neil Pasricha had experienced the same, noted that this negative perspective is a common occurrence experienced by almost everyone, and that it is almost always wrong.

So, I took his advice, applied his insights to my own situation, calmed down, and indeed over the next days on further examination, realized that I was way over-exaggerating my issue, and was internally over-reacting.  Situation resolved. No Big Deal. Thanks Neil.  Certainly nothing like getting fired, or divorced, or dealing with the death of a loved one, or rejected and dissed by someone you respect, but still…the principles he offered applied.  To paraphrase Nietzsche: “That which does not kill me can make me stronger, if I so choose.”

His personal story reminded me of another book I recently read: Range by David Epstein.   Epstein recommends that in order to find a “quality match” between what one does for a living, and what one’s passions and interests are, one must often try out a number of different jobs – until finding that quality match.  That’s what Neil Pasricha did.  BUT, as Neil shared, to follow that advice often involves working for years at poor-quality matches, dealing with feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, and being willing to accept an indeterminate number of failures and disappointments until one finds that true, “quality match.”  That is the resilience and perseverance Pasricha’s book is helping us to find.  “Fail More to Win More,” he says.

What I personally found most useful in You Are Awesome were his insights about how to remain positive and resilient in the face of success.  Yes – success.  The challenges he faced when he finally found the work he loved – his own quality match – are challenges I can relate to.   Managing one’s time and attention, staying focused on what truly matters, staying grateful for and not taking for granted what one has, not getting down when good intentions may not blossom, and practicing saying no to the many opportunities for distraction.

Three pieces of advice that truly resonated with me:

• The two minute rule: When somehow I let life get in the way of a daily activity I’ve committed to for myself,  do it for just 2 minutes that day.  Don’t blow it off  – just do it for 2 minutes.  Two minute of yoga, two minutes of working out, two minutes of meditation, two minutes of playing the fiddle, two minutes of writing a letter.  Whatever I commit to…keep the commitment, even if just for 2 minutes.
• Every morning practice: “I grab an index card or a journal and write these three prompts for that day: “I will let go of….  “;  “I am grateful for….”;   “I will focus on….”
• Untouchable time: Regularly block and protect a period of time (preferably a full day, or a half day, or even just a few hours) that I will take no phone calls, not read nor write nor respond to any email or text.  Just time to think, write, or be alone with myself.

(Seem simple? I’m still working on building these in. Simple, but not easy….)

Again, You  are Awesome is not an academic treatment of resilience, and is not meant to compete with Jonathan Haidt’s or Sam Harris’s or Daniel Gilbert’s work on happiness and resilience. But many of Pasricha’s insights and suggestions are the same as theirs – just packaged in a way that is accessible to a wider audience.  As he says in the introduction,  You are Awesome is about resilience, and is meant to complement his previous two books: The Book of Awesome (about gratitude), and The Happiness Equation (about happiness).  

This little book could help a lot of people get out of their own way in their search for happiness, and offers great advice in how to stop playing the blame game, or the “I’m a victim” game, and start playing the  “No Excuses – it’s up to me” game and get on with their lives.    

Some quotes I marked that I thought worth sharing (page numbers from the paperback advanced readers edition):

What’s the spotlight effect?  It’s the feeling that we’re being noticed, watched, observed, and importantly judged much more thane really are.  Because we are the centers of our own worlds, we believe we’re the centers of everyone else’s world too.  p 51

When it comes to predicting the future, we’re all stupid. Each and every one of us.  p74

I’d bump into the former employees again years later.  And what did they tell me? Every single time?  “Getting fired was the best thing that happened to me! If I hadn’t gotten that severance package, I never would’ve had those crucial six months to spend with my dad before he died.” Or “I travelled to Peru and became a nutritional supplement importer and I love what I’m doing now!”  Or….Or….Or…  p75

Sure, you’re going through a failure.  But it’s very possible, and very likely, that what you’re going through is a step toward a future you’ll be happy with. But you just can’t see it – yet.  p 77

Well, the average man will kiss sixteen people, have ten sexual partners, six one-night stands, four disaster dates, four relationships that last less than a year, and two relationships that last more than a year, fall in love twice, be heartbroken twice, cheat once and be cheated on once – all before he finds a lifelong partner. Does that sound like something you want to go through? Me neither, but in a way, isn’t it also relieving to hear? Because it may help shine a light on the invisible steps ahead of you on the staircase you’re climbing on the way to the longterm, committed relationship you may desire.  p 84-85 (note: he offers similar statistics for women)

“I failed my biology exam” is a lot different from “I failed my parents.”  (Ask yourself these) three questions:  Will this matter on my deathbed? Can I do something about it? Is this a story I’m telling myself? p123

Do it for free for ten years p 133

Success blocks future success.  The issue here is that when you’re good at one thing, the world conspires to keep you there. Stay in your lane. stick to your specialty….making it harder and harder and harder to mentally break out and explore new ground and try new things.  p 152

My goal isn’t to tell you how many figures (dollars) you should plan to spend on failures. It’s to give you a mental model you can apply in your life to accelerate your lose rate and therefore accelerate your win rate.  Lose more to win more. p 155

But the truth is when we look at our flops we’re really giving ourselves credit for all the learning and stamina and resilience baked into those moments when we made ourselves  a little stronger.  p 156

Let me share what Untouchable Days look like up close.  I think of them as having two components.

• There is the deep creative work. When you’re in the zone, your brain is buzzing, you’re in a  state of flow, and the big project you’re working on is getting accomplished step, by step, by step.
• There are the little nitros. Little blasts of fuel you can use to prime your own pump or open up your creative centers if you hit a wall.   p 225