Why this Book: Selected by my literature reading group.  Several of them had read the book and wanted to read it again. My wife has read it twice. And we had liked Towles’ other books Gentleman in Moscow, and The Lincoln Highway.

Summary in 3 Sentences: Written from the perspective of a young woman from the midwest living and working in New York in 1938, trying to find her way, living in a women’s boarding house, sharing a room with a rather flamboyant roommate. They are out one evening and meet an intriguing and charming man which sets off a series of events that go in many unanticipated directions.  The story is about the maturing and evolution of her character as her close friends come and go, as she gets into and out of relationships, finds her way into the moneyed social classes,  getting increasing responsibilities at work, and trying to sort out what it all means.

My Impressions:  A really enjoyable read – and I loved the writing.  The characters were interesting and it was fun to look at the lives of a group of well-to-do young adults living in NYC in the late 30s, as the depression was waning and the US was carefully watching what was happening in Europe. But the aggressions of Hitler and what was happening in Europe, and the struggles of most Americans during the depression were of little concern to these self-preoccupied 20 somethings from good families with money, looking for fun, love and excitement in New York City. 

The title of the book is taken from a list found in George Washington’s papers entitled: “Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation,”  and Towles provides all 110 of these rules in original spelling and grammar, as an appendix to the book.  Many are anachronistic, but they are rules for an aspiring social climber in the mid 18th century for how to maintain one’s detached decorum and demonstrate good breeding.  They include table manners, how to show appropriate deference to one’s superiors, and how not to be pulled into the muck of behaving like the unwashed masses.  Very much a reflection of English upper class sensibilities. They would not be out of place in Downton Abbey.

After reading the book, I was wondering if there was any point to the engaging story and clever writing. I believe that perhaps a clue may be in the book’s title, and that Towles included Washington’s “Rules of Civility” in the appendix.  The rules are how to play one’s role, to get one what wants, to climb the social ladder by behaving properly.  To be “authentically” oneself is dangerous.   One must learn to suppress and manage one’s emotions, not threaten the social order, and stay disciplined in following the “rules of civility.” 

I would recommend to anyone choosing to read this book, to go through the appendix first, and keep Washington’s “rules of civility”in the back of their mind as they enjoy the Rules of Civility.  

Many of the characters in this book were indeed young and endeavoring to do what is expected, either to climb to, or remain in the upper classes.  Two of the male characters and one of the female characters broke that rule – sensed the artificiality of the lives they were leading, and followed their heart to find out what they were truly made of.  My assessment of Katey Konent, our narrator, was that she was in the middle – not necessarily drawn to the world of upperclass civility, recognizing its shallowness, but unwilling to give it up.  In the end she chose to follow her own path, but without throwing out the rules – she colored within the lines,  but her heart (it seemed to me) was elsewhere.  

There were spots where Towles opened the door to more substantial topics, but he didn’t dwell there – he didn’t go through the door, left it open and moved on. Rules of Civility does not demand introspection or reflection on one’s values or life,  and can be enjoyed simply aa a good read – largely because of Towles’ writing.  As I read the book, I underlined passages and quips that I found inspired and creative. Towles is the master of the bon mot.  But on further reflection on the topic of authenticity, or conformity to social norms, I came to believe that there is more here than meets the eye.  

Here are but a few of the lines I underlined and which I believe capture some of Towles’ wit and insight, as well as both the wisdom and the prudence contained in Rules of Civility: 

• Be careful when choosing what you’re proud of – because the world has every intention of using it against you.  p 37
• (A group of alienated Russians gathering at a bar) In such close proximity, time slowly strengthened their sentiments while diluting their resolve. 31
• That’s the problem with being born in New York, the old newsman observed a little sadly. You’ve got no New York to run away to.  85
• Wearing a man’s suit and a white collared shirt, she was blowing smoke rings and wishing she was Gertrude Stein.  113
• There are tens of thousands of butterflies: men and women like Eve with two dramatically different colorings – one which serves to attract and the other which serves to camouflage – and which can be switched at the instant, with a flit of the wings.  117
• Uncompromising purpose and the search for eternal truth have an unquestionable sex appeal for the young and high minded; but when a person loses the ability to take pleasure in the mundane – in the cigarette on the stoop or the gingersnap in the bath – she has probably put herself in unnecessary danger….One must be prepared to fight for one’s simple pleasures and to defend them against elegance and erudition and all manner of glamorous enticements.  128
• But as the Greeks teach us, there is only one remedy for that sort of hubris.  They called it nemesis. We call it getting what you deserve, or a finger in the eye, or a comeuppance for short.  133
• For what was civilization but the intellect’s ascendancy out of the doldrums of necessity (shelter, sustenance and survival) into the ether of the finely superfluous (poetry, handbags and huate cuisine)?
• …the kind of man who would have been better off at sea – that world without women or children or social graces, with plenty of work and unspoken codes of camaraderie.  141
• After all, where I came from the mission was to pay as little as one could without stealing  190
• Even at ten feet you could tell she was spinning a yarn at a friends’s expense.  As Jack introduced me, I wondered how long I’d have to chat before I could extricate myself politely. 203
• There it was again. That slight stinging sensation of the cheeks. It’s our body’s light-speed response to the world showing us up; and it’s one of life’s most unpleasant feelings – leaving one to wonder what evolutionary purpose it could possibly serve.  204
• On the panel in front of me were two silver buttons. One that said “Now,” and one that said “Never.” 207
• It was like she’s said all along: She was willing to be under anything, as long as it wasn’t somebody’s thumb. 215
• (After being asked what he thought of Thoreau’s Walden) Tinker: Well at first I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. Four hundred pages of a man alone in a cabin philosophizing on human history, trying to strip life to its essentials.  Kate: But what dit you think in the end?  Tinker: In the end – I thought it was the greatest adventure of them all.  228
• Thoreau says (in Walden) that men mistakenly think of truth as being remote – behind the farthest star, before Adam and after the reckoning.  When in fact, all these times and places and occasions are now and here. In a way, this celebration of the now and here seems to contradict the exhortation to follow one’s star. But it is equally persuasive. And oh so much more attainable.  230
• For the most part, in the course of our daily lives we abide the abundant evidence that no such universal justice exists. Like a cart horse, we plod along the cobblestones dragging our masters’ wares with our heads down and our blinder in place, waiting patiently for the next cube of sugar.  252
• Anne: There’s a pretty clear difference between physical and emotional needs. Women like you and I understand this. Most women don’t. Or they’re unwilling to admit it.  256
• Anne: Most people have more needs than wants. That’s why they live the lives they do.  But the world is run by those whose wants outstrip their needs.  259
• The picture was an hour under way, so I watched the second half and then stayed for the first. Like most movies, things looked dire at the midpoint and were happily resolved at the end. Watching it my way made it seem a little truer to life.  259
• As a quick aside, let me observe that in moments of high emotion – whether they’re triggered by anger or envy, humiliation or resentment – if the next thing you’re going tosay makes you feel better, then it”s probably the  wrong thing to say. This is one of the finer maxims that I’ve discovered in life. And you can have it, since it’s been of no use to me.  p. 260
• I suppose that Anne was right when she observed that at any given moment we’re all seeking someone’s forgiveness.  297
• I know too well the nature of life’s distractions and enticements – how the piecemeal progress of our hopes and ambitions commands our undivided attention, reshaping the ethereal into the tangible, the commitments into compromises.  324

There is much wisdom in Rules of Civility, and it can be contrasted with the practical prudence we see in the characters, following the “rules,”  going along to get along.  But Towles doesn’t tell us which is which – it is for the reader to distinguish.   Because of the engaging story and his smooth-as-butter writing and wit, Rules of Civility  can be enjoyed superficially as a good and fun read, or one can go deeper and explore where the wisdom might be.  Who were truly happy and fulfilled, and who were simply reaping the rewards of social approbation and a comfortable lifestyle that come from following the “rules of civility,”  keeping the status quo’s values unchallenged and in check.  And what are WE doing?  Who do we know who has thrown the rules of civility to the wind in order to indeed be true to themselves and their dreams, and become the person they aspire to be? And what do we see when we look in the mirror?