Why this book: My current boss with whom I’m in a reading group at work, strongly recommended it.  He said it has a lot of relevance to some of the character and culture issues we are having in the SEAL Teams, and that it is a fun and provocative read,  so we took it on.

Summary in 3 sentences. Sean Avery was one of the “bad boys” in the NHL from 2001 – 2015, known as an intimidator, brawler,  and master “agitator” – an unofficial hockey term for a trash talker whose job it is to anger and get into the heads and upset the games of the opposing team.  He describes his life from growing up in a small town in Canada to his debut in the NHL, how he built his reputation as an aggressive player, agitator and someone who some loved, but many hated, through his trades from the Detroit Red Wings to the LA Kings to the New York Rangers, to the Dallas Stars, and finally back to the Rangers. Much of his story  is about his personal life, his “escapades” in various celebrity circles, heavy drinking, partying, his women, his fun and successes, but also his disappointments both on and off the ice, ending in his love affair and marriage, and the beginning of his post-hockey career.

My impressions:  I liked the book, and with some reservations, I liked Sean Avery as he presents himself in this book. Several of my friends who read it couldn’t stand him.  I’m always a bit skeptical of self-promotional memoirs (aren’t all memoirs to one degree or another self promotional?) since I’ve read a couple whereby I walked away with a very positive impression of the author,  but people who knew the author screamed BULLSHIT!  Matt Bissonette and Eric Greitens are two who come to mind.  That said, I did enjoy getting into the head of a clearly high-energy young professional athlete living the  dream or many young men –  being a professional sports star and celebrity, the fame, the money, the jet set, the women.  Opportunities for a lot of fun and adventure, as well opportunities for excess and self-destruction.  Avery took advantage of both.   The period of his memoir is between approximately his 18th and 32nd years of age, so a lot of energy, passion, ambition, a fair amount of immaturity and a lot of wild and crazy guy stuff.

Yeah, he is self-centered, and doesn’t take full responsibility for some of his bad breaks.  He is not at his best when playing the victim, and can be overly aggressive and cocky with attitude.  That said, there was also much to like about him. When we had our discussion about this book where I work with the Navy SEALs, the one member of our group who had not been a SEAL had no time for what he regarded as his completely unreflective narcissism and ambition, and one of the retired SEAL Captains, though acknowledging his very strong work ethic and team loyalty, did not believe those qualities outweighed the head aches his off-work aggressive behavior would cause.  I and the other SEAL Captain were more willing to give his positive attributes a chance, though both of us insisted he would need a very strong Chief Petty Officer to keep him in line.

What I liked about the guy Sean Avery portrays himself to be: He is clearly mentally tough and resilient.  He kept bouncing back when things weren’t going his way.  He is clearly very willing to work harder than most to be better and stay better than most.  He was ambitious and seemed truly anxious to be a contributing member of his team – that drove him and I liked that. He is clearly bold and aggressive, and seemed to care for his team mates – there were a couple of poignant stories when he was outraged that his coach or management didn’t take care of the individual players, treating them as tools to their own ends.  As he tells the stories of his several romances, he is generous toward the women after the break ups and seems to take much of the responsibility for the relationship not working out.  He makes sure we know that he had lots of casual sex partners, and other than that women were drawn to him, he doesn’t say much about that – one hopes that he similarly treated them with respect and that the enjoyment was mutual.  I was impressed with how he courted the love of his life – and current wife “Super-Model” Hillary Rhoda – slowly, becoming friends first, in what seemed to me to be a patient, classy way.  At the end of the book, he took a very unpopular stand for gay rights, and worked for Vogue magazine, much to the surprise and against the dominant culture of the NHL and at some cost to his macho reputation.

What bothered me about Sean Avery was that indeed he seemed more selfish and self-centered than he was aware – his decisions were often primarily about him and his short term aims. During the NHL strike, he needed work, and his agent was able to get him work playing professionally in Finland. He played a few games with his new Finnish team and apparently with no warning, and no sense of bad faith,  simply got on an airplane and left to return to America.  It seemed that playing hockey without the glamour, the privileges and spotlight of the NHL just didn’t suit him.   I’m sure the Finns weren’t impressed. I wasn’t.  I was surprised to see how viciously he attacked a player who fell in love with his wife’s sister, given that Avery had fallen in love with his close friend’s fiancé.  He often showed impulsive, immature and selfish behavior .  To his credit, he did express regret in the book – but I wasn’t sure it was because of the principle he violated or the harm it caused others, or the regret was primarily for the difficulties his behavior caused him.   As an “agitator” I wondered sometimes if there was any line he wouldn’t cross in harassing his opponents, if he thought it would help his team win. Some of what he did and said was way over the line to me, and apparently to many in the NHL as well.  Did he enjoy the spotlight of being the famous bad boy too much?

While I saw indicators of maturity and taking responsibility for things not going his way, Avery also shows an aggressive angry streak that he often didn’t control well and which made him a liability to himself and his teams.

He is an interesting character.  In Ice Capades he gives us the version of himself that he wants to share with the public – which says a lot about his values and who he is. He tries to be somewhat humble, but is not at all averse to tooting his own horn regarding his successes on and off the ice. But, he also wants to share some of his insights and the beginnings of wisdom that he has gained along the way to others it might help.

Reading what other say about him in the on-line press, it is clear that there is more to his angry and aggressive dark side than he shares in his book.  It is not unusual for ambitious and aggressive men (or women) to be generous to their friends and supporters, and vicious to their enemies, and we see that side of Sean Avery in Ice Capades. But occasionally we see him being aggressive and antagonizing others – just because he can, and can expect to get away with it.

To his credit, he has picked fights on the ice with some who he knew were bigger and stronger than he, and he expected to be pummeled for his insults and taunting – and he was, always fighting back, though often throwing the first punch.

Could better leadership and mentorship have made a difference?  One thing upon which  we all agreed in our discussion was that he needed strong leadership and he usually didn’t get it.  That strong Chief Petty Officer wasn’t around to guide, mentor, and hold him accountable.   He had some strong mentors, but the book never mentions anyone giving him advice or guidance to temper his behavior.  He was a small guy from a small town with a giant will to succeed and overcome his handicaps – he was very driven which has it’s pluses and liabilities.

This was very much unlike most of the books I read. It made an impression on me and I recommend it. It offers insights into the fast lane of celebrity life – those who move in circles with the rich and famous – from the perspective of a scared, but tough, ambitious and cocky young man in his 20s.